Newly married couples often have mixed feelings of sweets and bitters. On one hand, they enjoy living together; on the other hand, they also fret over the difficulties in adapting to each other. Police officers usually cherish more about brotherhood among colleagues and neglect their better halves. The Welfare Services Group of the Personnel Services and Staff Relations Branch has invited Mr Wong Yuk-shu of the Hong Kong Catholic Marriage Advisory Council to shed some light on this topic:

A newly married couple faces various problems in adapting to each other. What cannot be neglected are circles of friends and social life.

When I got married I was still young and had a group of friends who were fond of hanging out together, like fishing, watching football matches and playing mahjong. Before getting married, those were stag parties. Unlike fishing on boats, which was more static, watching football matches at Mongkok Stadium and Hong Kong Stadium, or having mahjong games at clubs was quite different. Without women around, men can be more carefree. No matter shooting the bull of political and current affairs or airing our grievances, we were all free to do so while watching football or playing mahjong. We could not only laugh and make jokes, but also relieve stress. This kind of social life was good for balancing and adjusting mental health.

When friends or old buddies call, I would chitchat cheerfully. As those male gatherings were filled with joy, I tended to say yes to an invitation without hesitation and forgot I had just got married, and my wife was jealous of my buddies!

Once my wife asked me: "Why you have so many things to chitchat with your friends? But then speak only a couple of words when it's me! And even hang up quickly!" And she said: "You return your friends' calls at once. Whenever there is a gathering, you make every effort to attend and go on time. But when it comes to meeting my friends, you just leave in a flash."

Once my wife and I bumped into a few friends in a car park - buddies who often played mahjong with me. I got off the car to chitchat with them for a while. After I returned to the car, my wife asked: "Arranging a mahjong game with your 'boon companions' again?"

I asked her: "Do you know them?"

She answered in a huff: "No, I don't."

Then I asked again: "Since you don't know them, how can you tell they are 'boon companions'?"

The fact was my wife didn't want me to play mahjong and want me to spend more time with her, especially on weekends. I didn't consider her feelings, and found her unreasonable in labelling my friends as "boon companions". Was it supposed to mean that all her friends are good ones? Then a "cold war" ensued.

In fact, in a marriage you are a circle and so am I. A couple converges and mingles in the area where two circles overlap.

Even after marriage, these two circles can still keep their own space, hobbies and social life. A couple can respect each other, trust each other and try to meet and accept the friends of each other. Then marriage can be even more harmonious and a couple can share more topics in common.

The Force has a unique culture. Men of the Force who regard Guan Yu, a virtuous figure himself in the late Eastern Han Dynasty, as their idol, must treat their colleagues and friends as brothers. If friends were in trouble, they would, out of virtuousness, render assistance with heart and soul, which is what men are supposed to do. But don't forget this: if it involves or affects your family or spouse, then you must talk it over with her and listen to her views.

(PS & SR Branch Welfare Services Group)