He felt that his marriage would not have deteriorated if he had forbidden his wife to work outside the home. His wife's independence threatens him as well as the marriage. What seems to be the problem here? Is it his career, her outside employment, their communication, children studying abroad or a combination of all of these?

First of all, we believe his Police career involving shift-work and other confidential duties may have impacted on their communication with each other tremendously. Secondly, looking at the development of their marriage over the years, they have now reached what is referred to as the 'empty-nest' stage, when couples have been in a relationship for over 15 years, their children are grown-up and are no longer living with the parents. They need skill and devotion in their relationship in order to rekindle feelings of love in their daily life. Therefore, marital counselling has been offered to this couple to guide them in this direction.

We, as police officers, tend to take orders well at work but also give orders at home. We like to be in control, so to speak. In a relationship, the control issue comes to the fore when the couple are vying for control of the same territory. They will feel 'bossed around' by their spouse.

Concerning the division of labour within a family, men, for example, become responsible for the finances, while women accept responsibility for looking after the children. Things go smoothly when they both accept this and perform their tasks in their designated area of responsibility and things run smoothly. Deviation from this causes distress to both partners.

There is no quick, easy solution for marital problems. Two important things to bear in mind are: (1) make a rational mutual decision to preserve your relationship; (2) work towards this goal together.

We are ready to help. Any questions or comments will be treated with total confidence. Please feel free to contact your regional welfare offices on the following numbers: Marine (2301-1670), Hong Kong Island (2804-1570), Kowloon East (2304-1400), Kowloon West (2150-7998), New Territories North (2673-5983) and New Territories South (2418-0050).