Apart from learning the various underlying cause of conflicts, it is important to recognise and understand the almost instinctive responses of people involved in an argument. By doing so, you can enhance awareness of your own response (and modify it, to avoid 'stoking the fire') and recognise the signs of escalating anger on the part of the other. That will help you to control the situation by controlling the manner of communication and help you to resolve matters in a satisfactory manner.

In addition to the biological, emotional and behavioural reactions, you may also tend to be narrow-minded and inflexible when faced with conflict and that can lead to you adopting several ideological fallacies:

Feeling of Victimization - Thinking or feeling that you are a victim of the other person's injustice. For example, "He's causing me so much trouble!"

Double Standards - Even though both parties engage in identical reactions, each one thinks that it is all right for him to do so but it is totally unreasonable for the other to do the same. "I'm arguing to get the matter settled, but he's yelling to cause trouble."

Mind-reading/Dichotomous Thinking - Some conjecture subjectively the motive of others' acts and arrive too early at the conclusion that the situation will worsen. For example, "He's being fallacious just to attack me. I'm wasting my time even listening to him."

Overgeneralization/ Labelling - Holding biased and generalised opinions on certain groups of people or activities and refusing to accept them as 'different' individuals. More often than not, these "stereotypical views" are negative. "How can anyone wearing a tattoo be a decent person?"

Dogmatic (Inflexible) Mind - Fail to make any allowance for a minor deviation in complying with an order from you. "I told him to stop immediately in front of me, but he stopped several yards away. He needs teaching a lesson!"

If such attitudes are adopted during a verbal conflict, you are not going resolve the problem and may make it much worse.

If you have the foresight to examine and understand your 'instinctive' and 'learned' biases, you can take steps to control them whenever a confrontation materialises. You can diffuse anger directed towards you, and encourage cooperation rather than conflict.

For enquiries or information on conflict management, please contact the Police Psychological Services Group.

The PSG is organising a series of Chinese-language stress management workshops and the next one is to be held on November 16 between 8:45 am and 12:30 pm at the Police Sports and Recreation Club Sportsman Bar. Thirty places for each session will be allocated on a first-come-first-served basis. For reservations contact PSG at 2866-6207.

Seek advice and help from the Psychological Services Group: PHQ, Hong Kong Island and Marine: 2866-6206 ( 5/F, 111 Leighton Road, Causeway Bay ); Kowloon and the New Territories: 2735-3739 ( 22/F, Ocean Building, 80 Shanghai Street, Kowloon ). PEN: psg@police.gov.hk