Family Life Education Series
The 'ICAN' model for success

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In this article, Professor Wong Chung-kwong, Chairman of Positive Living United Services introduces an "ICAN" model to provide a better understanding of life so that successful parents can effectively persuade their children to adopt good habits.

ICAN: An integrated model for a successful life

People are strongly dependent on or even controlled by their own habits. I do not mean only behavioural habits but also the ways we feel, perceive and think, and not only regarding the outside world but also regarding ourselves and our values. Without habits every action will require deliberate planning and effort (just imagine what happens if you need to consciously plan and execute every action while driving a car on a highway!). A successful life relies strongly on good habits. A practical and very important objective of education and parenting is to help children to form good and effective habits.

In our daily life, four big categories of habits interact to determine the way we live and the person we are. The first is 'perception', which is the way we perceive and interpret. The same events can be perceived and interpreted very differently by different people. For example, faced with a serious setback in life, a person may interpret that as the end of the world, while another may interpret it totally differently as a 'challenge'to be overcome.

The second is 'emotion', which is the driving force in life. Emotion can be positive such as love, joy and peace, but it can also be negative, such as fear, anger, hatred and jealousy. Positive emotions drive people to constructive goals whereas negative emotions generate destructive goals (for example, anger and jealousy can kill).

The third category is 'behaviour', which is the implementation of our motives. Good behaviour protects and brings about positive achievements. Bad or undesirable behaviour wastes time and may even ruin a life.

The fourth is 'self-value' or the 'self-esteem', which is the way in which we see and value ourselves. People with a positive self-value aspire to positive goals in life and vice versa.

These four habits interact with one another spontaneously. Let's look again at a setback in life as an example. People who feel hopeless tend to see what they have lost but not what they still have. They may resort to avoidance behaviour. Their self-value is shattered and that brings about a more negative perception of their circumstances, etc. On the contrary, people who regard setback as a 'challenge' to be overcome adopt a 'fighting' spirit. They do not see only that which they have lost but realise what they still have. They respond to their setback with positive behaviour. They feel good about themselves despite the setback, and because of their positive self-value they are determined to do their best.

Perception, emotion, behaviour and self-value interact continuously to form our individual unique way of life. That unique pattern constitutes our individual personality. To take control of our personality is not easy. I suggest the use of the 'ICAN' concept:

'I' is for insight. That means being responsible and in charge of how we see our circumstances and ourselves. For example, people who have become paraplegic as a result of accidents may feel hopeless and useless. On the contrary, they may feel hopeful and useful (just think of all the victorious handicapped athletes). Even though they have become paraplegic, they still have a choice about their life, and that choice originates from their 'insight - their interpretation of themselves and their circumstances.

'C' stands for confirmation. That means confirming one's goals and plans in life.

'A' is for abilities. This means learning and acquiring life skills in order to reach our goals.

'N' stands for nurture. This means a commitment to a life-long process of growth and advancement. We may grow old in age but should not grow old in spirit.

Life should always be a continuous process of 'growing up' and ICAN is a self-empowering circular process that enables us to live a successful life.