Family Life Education Series
We need to "connect" for a happy life

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A meaningful and happy life is not confined to meeting basic needs only. We need to have emotional attachment to nourish our lives. That means to "connect" our families, friends and colleagues. A meaningful and high quality interpersonal connection therefore contributes much to a happy life. In the following article, the Chairman of the Board of Advisers of the Whole Person Development Institute, Mr Wong Chung-kwong, shares with us his views on the topic of "we need to connect".

Most people have no difficulty answering this simple question: "What do we need to do to keep ourselves healthy and strong?" The answer is good food and good exercise! We need good and balanced nutrition to satisfy our physical needs. We also need good and proper exercise to keep our body strong.

What about if we change the question somewhat to: "What do we need to keep our life fulfilled and happy?" The question may seem much more philosophical and difficult.

In fact, the answer is not difficult or obscure. The "physical" question gives us insight into the "psychological" one. Without food, our stomach is empty and will bring about the feeling of hunger. Prolonged hunger will cause hunger pain, and even the strongest will no doubt perish if they starve themselves long enough. Without exercise, our body will lose its strength, resilience and resistance, and insufficient exercise has become one of the commonest and most important underlying causes for illnesses.

The same principles apply to life. We have emotional needs. Research in psychology, particularly developmental psychology, has shown that babies and children, deprived of emotional needs, do not grow properly. Babies and children need to be "psychologically bonded" to their parents. High quality parent-child bonding will ensure that they grow and develop normally and happily in all the important aspects of development.

Adults also have the same fundamental psychological needs. We need to be "connected" to others. The "symptom" of a lack in high quality interpersonal "connection" is loneliness. Loneliness is the lack of connection in our heart, just as hunger is the lack of food in our stomach.

Loneliness has become perhaps the commonest psychological ailment in a commercial world that tends to over-emphasise performance and wealth but under-emphasise values and health. People who do not recognise or understand they are lonely quite often push themselves into a downward spiral. They often resort to pursuing more wealth or engaging in fleeting relationships or indulging in bad habits to try to overcome their loneliness. They end up becoming even lonelier.

Extreme loneliness is not only unbearable but can be "fatal". Readers may recall the movie "Cast Away" featuring Tom Hanks. Imagine what you would become if you were "absolutely lonely", like being stranded on a remote island and having absolutely no one to speak to for four years!

We need to be connected to others, to our family and friends. We need to be connected to our colleagues, community and the world. "Connection" automatically means "taking" and "giving", just like "food" and "exercise". In "connection" we satisfy our emotional needs by "taking". In "connection" we also "exercise" ourselves by "giving".

"Connection" is the key to a fulfilled and happy life!

PS&SR Branch Welfare Services Group