No matter in their toddlerhood or teens, children tend to keep on delivering, through talk and behaviour, the message "I want to be an adult". Perhaps the followings are some examples that you are familiar with.

"Mom, you're so troublesome! I'll do it myself!"

"It's ok, dad! Hands off! I'll take care of it!"

"Mom, I'm not a three-year-old kid anymore! I'm 13 already!"

Parents have no idea about this and misunderstand that children hate them and act against their wishes, or even drive them away with action. If parents could try to understand more about the characteristics of their children's growth at different stages and act accordingly to meet their needs by making mutual adjustment to their ways of getting along and communicating with each other, it is believed that an imminent confrontational situation can be avoided.

Family relationship

Whether children are willing to take the goodwill and advice of their parents mostly depends on whether family relationship is harmonious; whether family members accept or reject each other and whether family members communicate in an open and frank manner or avoid one another in an indifferent manner or even clash with each other upon the slightest provocation. Even when family members have clashes, does everybody try to solve problems dispassionately or harbour resentment and attack one and other? Do family members support and help each other spiritually or with action in the face of difficulties or trample one and other. The feelings of children in a family are always subjective and direct, so whether they take the advice of parents depends decisively on whether family relationship is harmonious or not.

External pull factors

If children always feel they get no acceptance and respect in a family, and there is no dialogue among family members, plus frequent clashes, a great force may form and pull the children away from the family. If they find outside what their families lack or what they desire for, such as acceptance and recognition by their peers, sensory excitement and instant satisfaction of the Internet and attractions of the materialistic world and so on, external force may pull them away at once, not to mention about listening to parents' advice!

Conclusion

When parents are becoming angry with their children for failing to make improvement, they should suspend conversation and tell the children their feelings at once. They should find a place to calm down and readjust their own emotions and views. Even when they face their children again later on, the destructiveness of possible clashes can be reduced. Why can't parents tell themselves this: whether children can build a better tomorrow depends to a large extent on their own effort and perseverance, and we as parents can only play a facilitating and supporting role.

PS&SR Branch Welfare Services Group