When it comes to work, family life and child upbringing, as well as marital and inter-personal relations, Sergeant Li Hon-ying and his wife, Woman Police Constable Ng Fung-kay, always draw on the teachings of their religion.

They are the second police married couple the Psychological Services Group (PSG) and the Staff Relations Group have talked to in a bid to find out how police couples maintain their relations; communicate with each other; set their priorities in life and raise children; as well as whether police work and culture have any impact on their family lives and relations.

SGT Li has just proceeded on pre-retirement leave after spending 30 "rewarding" years in the Force, while his wife continues to enjoy her work in the Identification Bureau.

A common faith and working in the same organisation may have helped them cement their bond. They are long-time devout Christians and members of Enoch, a fellowship of Christians in the Force.

The couple first met in a Report Room 27 years ago, where SGT Li often lent a helping hand to budding officers. At work SGT Li acted as WPC Ng's mentor; after work she taught him the teachings of the Bible, took him to her church and involved him in voluntary church work. Six years later they tied the knot.

Communication and faith

Besides a common religion, the couple's other recipes for maintaining a harmonious relationship are simply communication and faith. During the interview, they said they pinned faith on each other and, given the nature of their job, made the most of the time they spent together.

"Quality rather than frequency counts. We can't see each other as often as we wish, so we've made it a habit for the whole family to talk and pray at home for half an hour everyday if it is possible. This habit has been maintained since we got married!" said WPC Ng.

Because of SGT Li's reticence, WPC Ng always encourages her husband to confide his feelings to her during the 30-minute "sharing" session. This regular session, as well as the couple's mutual support during prayers, has set a very good example to their son. If he has something to say or grumble about, the boy would join his parents at the session.

For solving family squabbles, the couple has adopted different effective approaches. When tempers flared, SGT Li walked away while WPC Ng picked up the phone and talked to her friends. But after both had calmed down, they reasoned together again.

Child upbringing

The couple takes upbringing of their 15-year-old son very seriously and adopts different approaches, placing emphasis on the boy's conduct, character building and integrity, besides schoolwork.

SGT Li said for discipline he drew on Force culture to instil in his son the notion of rule of law and a sense of responsibility. On the other hand, WPC Ng said she wanted her son to grow up in a healthy environment without being subject to too much pressure.

Therefore for parenting, she said she used a more subtle approach for parent-child relationship rather than police culture.

"I always remind my son that examination success is not everything. I told him not to put too much pressure on himself and try to relieve stress with swimming and other sports," she added.

By comparison, WPC Ng is stricter with her son, while SGT Li places emphasis more on motivation for learning than academic success.

While maintaining a good communication with each other, the couple also maintains a dialogue with their son. "I always lend a ear to my son for the sake of good communication!" WPC Ng noted.

WPC Ng pointed out that it was important for a police family to always have a senior family member at home. "When you all are out at work and your child is alone at home, it's good to have an elderly around. This gives you a sense of security," she said.

That explains why WPC Ng always endeavours to maintain a good relationship with her mother-in-law, who is living with the couple, and SGT Li, being sandwiched between his mother and wife, tries his best to remain "neutral".

SGT Li will only take a short break during his pre-retirement leave. Next month he is heading for a seminary on Cheung Chau to study a four-year theology course. After studies, his goal is to help cater for police families' spiritual needs.

Comments by PSG

From the story of Mr and Mrs Li on their 28 years of staying together, it seems that certain old wisdoms are still applicable in a modern family. For instance, they developed their relationship through friendship - they spent six years to observe and understand each other through church life and exchanges of letters before they confirmed that they were suitable for each other as partners. In contrast to modern romance that emphasises "feeling" over everything, this kind of marriage is undoubtedly more conservative but more long lasting and satisfying.

There was a strong element protecting the Li family from the negative impact of police work and culture. That was their religion that bound them to common beliefs about their family life. They put family harmony as their top priority, and constantly reminded themselves of the principles of love and forgiveness. They also had a good social support network through their church life, in which they could have access to more resources for tackling their difficulties in family life.

Another protective factor in the Li family was their devotion to regular communication. Quality communication is the essential component of any good relationship. The daily 30-minute gathering in the Li family made communication a habit. The family members were accustomed to sharing among themselves during their gathering, which greatly enhanced their intimacy and cohesiveness. The couple also had consensus in handling their conflicts. Whenever they were angry at each other, they would first stop arguing and found their own ways to cool down. Then they would get together as soon as possible to resolve their disagreement. A research shows that couples adopting the same conflict resolution strategy would experience less conflict and be more likely to have a satisfying relationship.

The couple in jolly mood during their interview