Most parents have great expectations of their children, but nowadays they should employ a flexible and tailor-made approach for parenting. With the assistance of the following information provided by Ms Ho Wai-ling of the Hong Kong Catholic Marriage Advisory Council, we can explore the issue of "parenting with love" for the growth of our children.

Family is a miniature of society. Parents and children bustle everyday and perform different roles in numerous tragicomedies filled with tears, joy, bitterness and even apathy. Many parents consider parenting as a bounden duty. As the old saying goes: "It is a fault of the father to raise a child without parenting." Indeed, parents bear the responsibility to not only raise but also parent their children. Failing the latter is a dereliction of duty. However, many parents nowadays lament their difficulties in parenting by employing whatever methods available, such as reminding, luring, interrogating, criticising, blaming, persuading, instructing and even beating. Yet all these just do not work and children still misbehave!

Perhaps nowadays parents should re-establish a new concept of child-raising and that is: "They should learn how to love their children instead of countering them. To show children their love, parents should act with love. But the behaviour of many parents goes against their purposes, conveying a message of discipline instead of love to their children".

In fact, regardless of their age, children, just like adults, have self-esteem, self-determination and their own needs and feelings. They also seek respect from others, their parents in particular. Many parents take the view that they are far more experienced and have a wider horizon than their children, thus often imposing their own benchmark on their children's behaviour. Once parents become stern in parenting, their children will not only fail to appreciate their parents' love, but also think their parents do not accept them.

For children to learn how to respect their parents, parents should take the very first step by showing respect so as to set an example for their children. As a result, parents should try to surmount their own constraint, re-examine their expectations of their children and learn how to better express love, which will help children feel they have love and respect from their parents. Parenting with love is far more effective.

PS&SR Branch Welfare Services Group