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Having published five articles written by experts, we will, from this one onwards, share with you the positive changes the mother of a child with "Specific Learning Disabilities" (SLD) has gone through after receiving professional services. Should you require any assistance, contact Mr Tsui of the New Territories Welfare Office on 2417-6471.
Introduction
I am a housewife, living with two sons studying Form 3 and Form 4. Before realising that my younger son was suffering from "Specific Learning Disabilities", I was not a smart mother. I did not know how to seek assistance and share my worries with others, and faced everything helplessly all alone. Having accidentally found that my younger son had mild learning disabilities, I made a lot of changes, especially in seeking resources to help him. Unexpectedly, this move turned into a force that drove me towards the goal of becoming a competent mother.
From ignorance to cognizance
When I first learned that my child had learning disabilities, my feeling was mixed with pleasure and anger. I was pleased because assessment results explained why there were always conflicts between my son and I, and enabled me to understand better his emotional and academic problems.
From escaping to positive thinking
I tried to escape from problems. But when I realised how my emotional feelings would affect my child, I actively changed my parenting and developed ways to enhance myself.
On one hand, I allowed my son to take part as far as possible in activities that he liked, such as swimming, badminton, ping-pong and gymnastics, etc. On the other hand, I no longer pressed too hard on his homework, dictation and examination results. Instead, I arranged for him to join the "Lively Children Group" organised by the Caritas Youth Centre. Gradually, the tension of my family eased, and my son joined the gymnastic class run by the Hong Kong Association for Specific Learning Disabilities for five years.
I also actively tried to equip myself by frequently taking part in various groups for parents where I obtained a lot of assistance in dealing with my SLD child.
From ignorant to Competent
There are always conflicts between parents and children. On matters involving my son's studies or daily life, I got mad easily and blamed him for being disobedient. Since my emotion adversely affected that of my child, my loss of temper led to nothing but a lose-lose situation in which we both suffered. Realising this, I corrected my mistaken values such as forcing my child to follow my way in everything.
From stubbornness to boundless creativity
I used to feel anxious when my child failed to do his homework or studies. The tension of my family would aggravate especially during the period of his examination. Later on, I learned to adopt another approach, by altering his studying environment and methods. For example, I used a gymnastic ball instead of a chair to attract my playful son to sit down and do his work. As his listening ability was stronger than his other abilities, I used recording tapes instead of workbooks for his studies. I then wrote vocabularies in large size and post them like an advertisement on the walls, and patiently asked him to do dictation or revision.
As for family life, I made everything simple, especially in household chores and cooking, in order to save time for me to sit quietly beside him, thereby allowing me to render timely help and observe his genuine needs. Apart from studying, learning how to manage physical and mental health, time and emotion, etc were also important tasks for my son.
From curses to blessings
In conclusion, I realised a principle - "Confidence shows an open way while doubts show only obstructions". The obstruction that actually hinders our children from leading a meaningful life is not their congenital learning disabilities but our lack of confidence, our over-anxiety or even our focus on their disabilities without appreciating their strength. In view of these, I have now learned to appreciate my son from various positive aspects and help him build up his confidence. With everlasting love, I will guide him to overcome invisible obstructions and live a fruitful life.
(PS & SR Branch Welfare Service Group)
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