PsyNet
Effective ways to enhance happiness (5):
Nurturing Social Relationship
0 Photo
The fifth happiness-boosting activity from the book, "The How of Happiness", by Prof Sonja Lyubomirsky is "Nurturing Social Relationship".
Upward Spiral
Many studies over the years have found out that a basic human need is to be "accepted". Generally, happy people meet their social needs with quality relationships. Happy people are more likely to have a happy marriage, a large social network and social support. The relationship between being a happy person and having quality relationships is bi-directional, meaning that having quality relationship tends to make people happy; and on the other hand, happy people are more likely to build and attract quality relationships, hence creating more happiness. Below are some tips on nurturing your social relationships so that you can acquire the upward spiral.
Make Time: The secret of a successful relationship is often for two parties to talk. Successful couples spend five hours or more together per week talking. So make a commitment to squeeze some quality time for significant relationships. Also try to create media free zones (i.e. no TV, cell phones or computers) when you're with your family or friends, as media could be a distraction and damaging force to prevent you from engaging fully in interaction with others.
Express admiration, appreciation and affection: Over two decades of research have shown that good relationships are characterised by a ratio of positive to negative effect of 5:1. This means that for every negative statement or behaviour (e.g. criticising, nagging and lecturing), there should be five positive ones in order to keep the relationship going, no matter at home or at the workplace. Set a weekly goal, communicate your gratitude and admiration directly, and give genuine praise.
Social connections are vital to one's well-being and happiness. It is a lifelong investment that is worth our time and energy, and its rewards are magnificent! Psychological Services Group has invited Assistant Commissioner (Personnel) Ng Tsui Fung-ying to share her experience in this regard with readers.
Sincerity prevails
As Major Formation Commander of Personnel Wing, Mrs Ng believes the harmonious relationship among colleagues is the source of happiness at the workplace. Relationship-building is like an investment in time, requiring an ongoing effort and commitment. Using such "investment" analogy, Mrs Ng regards a sincere attitude as most important. She said: "Treat others with respect, no calculation and no manipulation."
Her "investment tool" is for two persons to have dialogues, allowing them to express their views. Be considerate of other people's feelings, especially when giving feedback about their mistakes, she noted, adding there was no need to be harsh in criticism.
Effective performance counts on teamwork. Mrs Ng has found the wisdom of team spirit. By supporting and complementing each other, team-mates can do their best in a safe environment. The effect of synergy would then be maximised.
Mrs Ng has on her office desk a small ornament inscribed with a saying of St Magdalene of Canossa: "Do what's within the limits of your power, and don't worry about what you can't do". For applying the saying in the context of interpersonal relationship, Mrs Ng insists treating others with sincerity. "We may forget the things we learned before, or old knowledge no longer fits, but kindness and compassion never fails," she said.
Relationship is usually reciprocal. When we're kind to others, we may soon realise that kind colleagues are around, and our workplace would be a much better place.