PsyNet
Effective ways to enhance Happiness Exercise (6):
Developing Strategies for Coping
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We have so far talked about five exercises introduced in the book, "The How of Happiness", by Prof Sonja Lyubomirsky. We are going to introduce the sixth exercise, "Developing Strategies for Coping".
Coping types
Coping is what people do when they face adversity and a distressing situation. Coping is usually divided into two types, "problem-focused" and "emotion-focused". In "problem-focused" coping, you try to do something to solve problems, but this is not always possible. People use "emotion-focused" coping (e.g. distraction, getting emotional support, or changing the ways of thinking) when the situation is uncontrollable and the only thing they can do is to manage their emotional reaction. Both types of coping are valuable, depending on the situation. We should use both flexibly to get maximum benefit.
Post-traumatic
Growth
Riding out adversity would make one stronger. By adopting effective coping strategies, we not only can recover from adversity, but also thrive. One of the most effective coping strategies is the old wisdom of seeking social support and quality comfort. Another effective coping involves finding positives from negatives.
A traumatic event shakes our assumptions and conviction about life (e.g. the world is largely controllable and predictable), making it difficult for people to accept what has happened in their lives. To turn pain into a blessing, it is critical for you to find the meaning of the trauma in your life and benefits. The "meaning" can be a new perspective of your own self and life, as well as personal growth and boning of character.
Prof Lyubomirsky has recommended a specific exercise, "Expressive Writing", for finding meaning with promising research evidence. Spend 15 to 30 minutes on three to five consecutive days, writing about one of the most painful experiences in your life. Detail your experience, reaction and emotion. Remain patient and persistent and let the process of writing help you understand and make sense of your sufferings. The meaning and the benefits will then unfold.
Ups and downs are inevitable in life. By learning to apply coping strategies in difficult situations, you can thrive and live a happier and fuller life. Psychological Services Group has invited Deputy Commissioner (Management) Lee Ka-chiu to share his experience in this regard with readers.
DCP MAN's coping
strategies
The coping strategy of Mr Lee is combination of proactive and cognitive appraisals and practical action. The conviction behind is most important: "Turning the tide in a difficult situation requires determination to make personal efforts."
Our thoughts determine how we feel and behave. Mr Lee considers a proactive and flexible mind as one of best tools for coping. The starting point is a comprehensive and candid self-evaluation by regular SWOT (Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, Threats) analyses. By appraising one's strength and weakness in the context of external demands, we can tailor-make for ourselves an optimal strategy for coping. From time to time, Mr Lee also applies new knowledge and wisdom acquired from reading to enhance his coping strategies.
When things are not working his ways, Mr Lee would flexibly alter his strategy by examining and adjusting his own expectations. For instance, when the issues in hand do not show any improvement despite our effort, we have to accept that imperfection is inevitable at times, and then shift our effort to develop our strength. Our sense of control and self-confidence would then follow. Mr Lee considers that in many situations, stress arises from excessive demands on ourselves and other people. The key is whether we can strike a delicate balance between "reasonableness" and "excessiveness".
Successful people often have healthy habits to keep their body and mind in the best condition. Mr Lee is no exception. His daily practice of qi-gong and regular exercises at the gymnasium are the contributing factors for his stress resilience.
Mr Lee offers this advice to officers: "While pursuing achievement gives you the drive to succeed, don't lose your direction in pursuing unrealistic goals. We should appreciate and treasure what we have, and there is no need to compare with other people in terms of achievement or wealth." Remaining contented is always one of the best coping for a happy life.