PsyNet
Effective Ways to Enhance Happiness (9):
Committing to Your Goals
Prof Sonja Lyubomirsky, an expert in positive psychology, continued to share with us the 9th exercise to happiness as stated in her book "The How of Happiness" - committing to your goals.
Benefits of committed goal pursuit
Prof Lyubomirsky pointed out that having meaningful goals and being able to structure our pathways to systematically strive for our goals can give us a sense of purpose and control in life, boost self-esteem and motivate us to lead a meaningful life. During this process, one can learn to master the use of resources, take on responsibilities and acquire new skills, and interact with people. The process of pursuing goals is, in fact, more important than attaining. Very often, we find those people who are committed to pursuing life goals cope with problems or crises better and enjoy more long-lasting happiness.
Kinds
of
goals
to
pursue
1. Intrinsic. Pursue goals that are meaningful and easier for you to get involved.
2. Authentic. Choose a goal that fits your personality and values.
3. Approach. A goal that directs you to approach something desirable is more constructive and positive (e.g. to stay fit and healthy) than the goal that avoids an undesirable outcome (e.g. not to be fat).
4. Harmonious. Goals should complement one another; otherwise people would easily give up.
5. Flexible and Appropriate. Be able to change over time because our opportunities for pursuing goals might differ as we get older.
6. Activity. Choose a goal that involves different activities and allows a person to continually attain new experiences.
Prof Lyubomirsky has recommended picking one or more significant goals that are meaningful, and then devote time, effort and passion to pursuing them. Psychological Services Group has invited Director of Management Services (DMS) Tang How-kong to share his experience in this regard with readers.
DMS'
meaning
of
life
Tang How-kong has his own clear and meaningful goals for life. He likened pursuit of goals to a marathon run, heading for a distinct destination. We can run faster in tailwind and slow down in headwind. We can even take a short break and appreciate the distance we have covered so far. "What matters most is not to quit halfway but to persist step by step, and you would reach your goal ultimately. The beautiful scenery along the trail is already a pleasurable experience."
Mr Tang's quest for life goals tells a special story. His goal in secondary school was to get admitted to university. After he became an undergraduate, he felt a sense of loss. Unlike his peers who spent time playing football or going to parties, Mr Tang started contemplating the meaning of life. At that time he read an essay on epitaph, which inspired him to think about how his life would be described on his future epitaph. "A life with meaning is inseparable from important personal values. I anticipated I would be able to live a fuller life in accordance with important values so that when I come to the very end of my life I would have no regret."
Beginning with an end in mind, Mr Tang joined the Force with a clear blueprint. His aspiration was to devote himself whole-heartedly to his job and to become a professional police officer with a big heart, wisdom and integrity. His aim was to play this role to the best of his ability so that on the day of his retirement he would be happier than the first day he joined the Force, and can confirm that his decision to join the Force was an excellent decision. Throughout the past 33 years, Mr Tang has committed himself to his goals and derived a lot of satisfaction from his job.
Most people would attribute Mr Tang's happiness to his successful career, but in fact he had never set promotion as a goal. "Setting your sight at advancing to a certain rank before retirement is not a wise goal. First of all you may not be able to make it. Even if you can, you would only be happy for a short while on retirement at the expense of the painful price you have paid in your whole career. If we only set promotion as our major goal, we would risk losing our own happiness to promotion, which is usually influenced by many external factors. In fact, whether one is happy with one's job as a police officer has little to do with rank."
For Mr Tang, there are many other meaningful goals in life, besides promotion. He believes that if one were not happy with one's life, one's goals are either unrealistic or lacking in meaning, or one is confused about what one needs most. "Police work is not an easy job. Officers would not make good money from their job. Yet our colleagues still choose the job as their career. The only reason is they like to be a police officer, perhaps motivated by a sense of righteousness and mission, and want to help people."
However, as years go by, it is not uncommon that the stress of more realistic considerations gradually dilute this aspiration. Happiness will come when one can consciously align one's work with the goals and meaning of life.
Despite having clear and steadfast goals, life is not always a rosy one. Years ago Mr Tang went through a period of difficult times. He even could not have a good sleep, waking up at four every morning. Considering this situation a waste of his life and incompatible with his goals, he decided to do something he liked - taking up the roles of a part-time student. The sleepless hours before dawn became precious time for his study, which served as a natural cure to his insomnia. Clear, meaningful goals are the beacon in dense fog, giving us direction and motivation to regain focus and control of our happiness.
